For the last several months, I’ve been enjoying the Lasik, which Jameelah and I both got on a whim while in Vietnam. That’s right, we passed by an eye hospital, saw the sign that said: “Lasik surgerie, much cheap,” and went inside. After a barrage of tests and cultural hijinx, we got the procedure done. [...]
Once upon a time, there was a peaceful little Chinese village called Peach Blossom (aww!). The villagers were humble and hardworking. They spent their days farming their fields and when they got home, they sat on their couch made out of hay and stared out the window, hoping something interesting would happen among their neighbors. [...]
The season of giving stuff to other people is upon us. Sure, it’s been upon us since Halloween was over, but if you’re like me, you haven’t done your gift shopping yet. In fact, according to statistics that I made up, 75 percent of people and 100 percent of humor columnists do their shopping on [...]
My friends, we have reached a point of what I will now call “social siloism,” mainly because it makes me sound very smart. Basically, despite being more connected than ever through technology, or perhaps in spite of it, as individual units we are now very isolated from our friends and neighbors. We have become a [...]
Welcome to another episode of “An Asian Dude’s Experience with Black Culture,” aka, “How I Torpedoed My Political Career before it Ever Got Started.” This week, Jameelah’s family from Louisiana came to visit, which I was genuinely excited about, and by that, I meant I was hoping to be afflicted with some sort of debilitating [...]
Every Halloween Jameelah tries to drag me to do something scary. Last year, it was a haunted maze, where actors dressed as serial killers ran at us with chainsaws while strobe lights flashed in the background. It was really frightening — that we paid $25 each and waited for an hour in line. “You’re no [...]
I learned recently that in the Vietnamese culture there is a concept called “squishing the bread.” Basically, you’re a baker who makes bread, and you notice that customers like your competing neighbor’s bread better. But instead of improving the quality of your bread, you sneak over and squish your neighbor’s bread so they’re worse than [...]
Today, I read an article in the Huffington Post, arguably the second finest news source online after the IE, about psychopaths and how to recognize them. This is very important information to know. The world is full of psychos, and if we can’t recognize them, then whom are we going to invite to Tea [...]
The Vietnamese concept of ‘que huong”, or home village, is strong in Vietnamese culture. When making acquaintance with someone, a common question is, “que o dau?” or “where’s your home village?” Usually, it’s a tiny little place, where everyone knows everyone. Jameelah and I are in my village, Don Duong, where mist covers the base [...]
For the past three weeks, my wife has been in Vietnam, staying with my relatives in a small mountain village. It’s so surprising to the simple villagers to see a real Black person that they immediately go on to Facebook and update their Wall. She’s been having a great time absorbing the language and culture [...]
Dear readers, last year, I started a blog called “Lazy-Ass Vegan,” a forum for recipes that you can prepare during commercials of “Law and Order.” However, I was too lazy to update it. Plus, Law and Order started sucking. Luckily, while developing recipes for that blog, I discovered the basic principles of successful cooking. Principle [...]
After months of darkness and despair, Spring is finally bursting forward like things featured in pictures from Representative Anthony Weiner’s Twitter account. Which only means one thing: Time to break out the hoes! For gardening, of course. Seattleites are gardening freaks, and now that Jameelah and I have a condo, with a little balcony, we [...]
Dear everyone, becoming a humor writer is not something to be taken lightly. Like Spiderman from the Broadway musical would say, “With great power, comes great…aiiiieeeee!!! Arrghh, my leg, my leg is broken!” When one chooses to be a humorist, one is choosing to make a big sacrifice. Mainly, none of us will ever hold [...]
Every once in a while, I realize my wife is Black. Which gave me the brilliant idea of doing a series of blog posts called “An Asian Dude’s Experience with Black Culture.” In this first post, we explore the hot comb, an instrument of torture that is also used to straighten hair. Apparently there is [...]
In two weeks, the International Examiner will be hosting its annual dinner to recognize local unsung heroes. If you are like me, you dream about standing up there on stage, sharply dressed, holding a tasteful shiny asymmetrical crystal trophy or plaque with your name on it. Months of lobbying my boss, the Editor in Chief, [...]
Every day, my wife, a fourth-grade teacher, comes home exhausted. She then stays up late grading papers and preparing for the next day. Lying in bed waiting for her to go to sleep, I become concerned. Mainly that she will discover my secret stash of Trader Joe’s Pound-Plus dark chocolate with almonds, which I take [...]
This week, I was dragged to Jameelah’s fourth-grade class as a “guest writer.” This shows just how poor the quality of our education system is, when I am a guest speaker for anything. The little tykes were working on their fiction stories, which they had polished for days, and now they were having a “publishing [...]
My friends, if you have been reading Jagged Noodles for the past two years, you know of my vehement disdain of Facebook and Twitter. And I don’t use the word “vehement” lightly … mainly because I don’t know where the emphasis goes. Is it VEE-heh-ment? Or Veh-HEE-ment?…VEH-heh-ment? However, recently, with the fall of Mubarak, (what [...]
There is a huge debate raging right now over Amy Chua and her “Tiger Mother” parenting methods, a strict form of discipline that the US government has adopted to train Navy SEALS. It includes, among other things, forcing your child to get nothing less than straight A’s in school, perfect classic pieces on the piano [...]
Forget having wash-board abs — this year my primary resolution is to follow my nut. Those of you who have seen either of the animated movies “Ice Age” know what I am talking about. In the movies, there is a crazed little squirrel who chases after this acorn. It perpetually rolls away from him, and [...]
It’s that time of the year again, when all of us set aside time in our busy lives, and reflect on the fundamental question: Should I throw a holiday party? Humans have a fundamental need to throw parties around the holidays. It is a result of evolution, as individuals who have the resources and skills [...]
On Thanksgiving, while I was busy basting the Tofurky, horrible delinquents broke into my car. Obviously there was nothing left to take, since they had stolen everything in the previous eight break-ins throughout these past three years. It has gotten so often that I’m thinking of leaving little cards in the glove compartment that say, [...]
