RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Sometimes I stay up late at night thinking about the meaning of life. Other times I think about what name I would use if I were to enter the adult entertainment industry. I think “Maybe Randy Teriyaki.”
My friends,
This weekend Jameelah dragged me to a haunted corn maze. What is a haunted [...]
Dear everyone,
I just finished reading Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes, and I could not stop weeping. Well, the story was a sad account of childhood poverty and family tragedies, but the weeping was because Frank McCourt was able to write an entire book with endless amounts of neverending sentences and no quotation marks and yet so [...]
Dear everyone,
Apparently only a few people felt the same way about containers as I do. Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your story about how plastic containers changed your life (“We actually eat the leftovers at my house now because they look so much more appetizing.”) The rest of y’alls, stop sending me hate mail and [...]
My friends,
The nonprofit that I direct recently got some new staff, and one of them observed to me that I seem to hate everything. In fact, I’ve even developed a “Claw of Hatred,” where my right hand goes up in a claw a few inches from my face whenever I talk about something I despise. [...]
Dear everyone,
This morning my older sister, Lynn, texted me to remind me that today is the 20th anniversary of the first day our family arrived in the US. September 25th, 1989. It’s been twenty years. Sometimes, I stay awake pondering. Most times, it revolves around finding a way to profit from the sale of homemade [...]
My friends,
I am gradually losing this battle against Facebook. It seems everyone on earth has an account, a sad realization I came across when I happened to be glancing at Jameelah’s page and saw that “Lolo,” one of my nieces, has an account. She’s only 9. The staff at the office have labeled me ancient, [...]
Dear everyone,
For the past several days, my Jewish friend Rachel has harassed me constantly to write about her wedding, which took place last Sunday. Each day I get twelve text messages, each one increasingly more aggressive and vulgar. So I should write about it, lest she drives down here and stabs me on Rosh Hashanah, [...]
Dear everyone,
Jameelah and I have been engaged for a week, and it feels like we’re baby angels wrapped in cotton-cloud blankets (in the words of our favorite show, Psych). I was especially elated because I thought my work was done and I could just show up at the wedding, and that until then, I could [...]
Dear everyone,
Jameelah and I are engaged. This may come as a shock to some of you for several reasons, mainly that anyone would actually want to marry me, but I think all those push-ups have really helped beefed up the sexy vegan man body. Word has spread very quickly through my nemesis, FaceBook, and many [...]
My friends,
Please excuse this late posting. I was…uh, busy tackling the healthcare debate, and, uh, flossing. OK, we got addicted to episodes of Psych, all right?
Actually, I’ve been tackling work, trying to catch up to the insanity. Mr. Nguyen, my 85-year-old administrative assistant, whom I mentioned in the post about bunny pee (JN55), had to [...]
The work of Korean woodcut artist Lee Chul Soo, on display in an exhibition entitled Visual Poetry at Davidson Galleries on 313 Occidental Ave S. in Seattle’s Pioneer Square from August 7-29, demonstrates a masterful simplicity that invites the viewer to meditate upon themes involving their relationship with nature, family and society as a whole. [...]
Dear everyone,
Jameelah and I are back in Seattle after a layover in Korea, where she fell in love with the digital toilet. It’s awesome, with a seat warmer and wonderful buttons that spray your undersides with water. Much more ecofriendly than using toilet paper. I think it’s the way of the future.
The trip ended too [...]
Dear everyone,
Jameelah and I were walking down a street in Sapa in the dark when we saw several adorable children playing. As we crossed them, a women yelled in English, ”Here, for you: Baby!” and thrust one of the tykes into my chest. The little girl had big round eyes, which were frozen, along with her [...]
Dear everyone,
We are in Saigon. Today I took Jameelah to see the dentist because she needed to get a filling done, and it would cost several hundred dollars in the US. Why pay for complex dental services in the US when you can just go to a developing country a get them done for pennies? I [...]
Dear everyone,
These past four days have just been incredible, filled with so much action, fun, and above all, MSG. The locals here use MSG like we might use salt and pepper. Whenever we get something that does not contain MSG, we go into withdrawal symptoms.
Nha Trang is an awesome city, filled with nice locals who [...]
My friends,
Jameelah and I have arrived in the city of Saigon after an actually rather pleasant 20-hour trip from Seattle. Before the trip, we had used the Nintendo Wii to weigh the luggage because the bathroom scale was too small. We were snapping at each other and were in unpleasant moods due to packing and [...]
My friends,
This weekend, a bunny peed on me. Jameelah and I are approaching the apex of our preparation for Vietnam after buying 700 dollar’s worth of stuff for my relatives at Costco (we went to Costco to buy stuff for the relatives; not we bought stuff for relatives who live at Costco). Who knew that [...]
My friends,
I have discovered the secret to happiness. No, it’s not love, or a purposeful life. Really, it’s a 17.6-ounce bar of dark chocolate with almonds that you can buy for $4 at Trader Joe’s, which is arguably the best grocery store on Earth. I was having a bad day, and came home to find [...]
My friends,
I have just gotten back from two days of camping with 18 teenagers from our after-school program. The world is emasculating, and sometimes a man needs to get away from the madness of the world, get back in touch with nature, and orient himself and his place in the universe by two days of [...]
